Why We Need Fantasy


Beauty portrait of man looking in mirror“Did you ever wish you were somebody else?” This line from one of my all time favorite songs is one that I think most people would have to answer with a “yes”. Who hasn’t, at one point or another, wished they had the badass martial arts skills of Bruce Lee, or the incredible panty-dropping charm of Californication’s Hank Moody?

Fantasy is the faculty or activity of imagining things, especially things that are impossible or improbable.

Your fantasies are quite revealing, and many of your darkest fantasies could reveal things about you that make you feel anxious or guilty. So what do a lot of people do with their fantasies? They bury them like a dirty secret—something to be fearful and ashamed of. Unfortunately, if you were to truly stamp out all the fantasy in your life, the result would be a life full of monotony and boredom. This is why you really do need a little fantasy in your life.

The Good

Studies suggest that when fantasy is steered in the right direction, it can illicit better sex, a higher paying job, more recognition for your talents and more respect from your colleagues. The true magic behind its power is in the goals and incentives it inspires. In a sense, your fantasies serve as a chalkboard from which to test out possible life changes, in order to decide which ones are worth your attention.

And speaking of incentive, what drive would you have to better your life if you had no visions to demonstrate what a better life could look like? It doesn’t matter if your fantasies revolve around an improved appearance, more education, or better sex—it all feeds into your incentive to make it happen. This is how fantasy changes lives, builds confidence and provide direction.

Your Sex Life

woman_elitedaily-800x400The 50 Shades of Grey series has brought a lot of positive and negative attention  to the idea of fantasy role-play in relationships. According to one report published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in May of 2013, people who prefer BDSM sex play have higher quality relationships and better overall mental health than those who stifle their sexual fantasies. This could be because these people were not afraid to face their darkest sexual fantasies and share them openly with their partner.

Fantasy can help build goals and dreams, but it can also do amazing things for your sex life. It is through fantasy that you discover the kinds of things that turn you on, and if you never share that with your partner, they will never know how to satisfy you in bed. But you have to be careful about how you share your fantasies with your partner. If you are unsure they’re going to be a willing participant, you can initiate your fantasies through show and tell. In other words, without saying a word you can put on a certain outfit or watch a certain movie that gets you in the mood and see how your partner reacts to it.

Your Relationships

Many of your current fantasies create the atmosphere in which your current and future relationships will be formed. In other words, your fantasies subconsciously direct your attention towards certain partners and situations, according to the late psychoanalyst, Ethel S. Person. And if you are honest with yourself, it can be a great way to discover a deeper connection with your soul mate. We all play an important role in our fantasies, and finding a partner to play along is more important than you may realize.

The Bad

Fantasy is best when your partner is a willing participant. Otherwise, it can lead to misunderstandings. It’s recommended that you make sure your partner feels safe and secure in your relationship before you share your fantasies with them. Your partner needs to understand their role in your fantasy too, and accept it, whether it’s to listen, observe, participate, etc. A good rule of thumb is to start with your simplest fantasy and slowly work your way up to the more complicated ones.

Fantasy should not be used as an escape from your relationship. If you are unhappy, or are looking to improve your relationship, acting out your fantasies with your partner won’t make that happen. But for people in committed, trusting relationships, who are willing to be sexually adventurous, acting out fantasies could have many wonderful benefits.